Emily, her behavior sounds like it would have been tough to deal with. I mean, it sounds like one would wonder where she was. and try to make sense of why she was incommunicado.

I'm one of this people that believes in a "next world" and that one can talk to (or perhaps write to) or pray for their relatives who've died here. But people have different beliefs and have the right to them. I imagine, in my belief system, that when people leave here they do find peace, mercy, and loving compensation for their tough childhoods and their aftermath.

Sometimes there's a mix of feelings a daughter can feel. I hear your compassion for your mother and your understanding for why she acted the way she did, due to her painful childhood and relationship with her parents. I was just reading about defensive responses to trauma and I couldn't help wonder about the situation you mentioned about your mother. Good on you for your care for your mom and discernment about what would have been healing for her.